I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
