If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i dont even know how to be here
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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