when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
