I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i need some magic done to my vagina
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
