Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So squirting runs in the family.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
