I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
