I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
