you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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