no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
