He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
