the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Its about making memories worth repressing
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
