I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
