I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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