I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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