I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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