so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize