Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
