The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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