ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
