The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
