i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
