Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
