he puts the penis in happiness.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
