Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize