Your mouth is God's brothel.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
