ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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