In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize