if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it glows. i had to have it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
