Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
