Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
