I bet he comes in French.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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