i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
nutella sex= disaster
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize