Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Panties = found
Randomize
