just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
