They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
