When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
