i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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