This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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