I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
