last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
