R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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