'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
