I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
