Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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