i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
