I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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