How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
