Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
