yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Randomize
