You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
