i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
