So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
