Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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