Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
