Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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