A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
