buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize