U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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