Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
