Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
