Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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