i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
