Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
