You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
