video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
