dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize