put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
