i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
