There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize