White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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