Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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