were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
