My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
