What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
